November 22nd, 2017

I had a pretty productive day today at work. From the beginning of the day until the end, I had no problems focusing and I was pretty much constantly typing. Getting so much done so quickly was really satisfying and I wish I could do that every day without getting burnt out, or exhausted when I get home (not that I am now). I've been pretty worried that I don't look like I do enough at work, so having such a good day today and Monday makes me feel a bit better.

I have unfortunately gotten back into Swarm Simulator as of yesterday. Being so worried about Fef yesterday left me in a funk (read: depressed) and I needed something to take away my thoughts of the real world. So as a result, I did practically no work yesterday while at work, but I did ascend my swarm and make an account so that I can play elsewhere easily.

My parents went out to see the new Thor movie while I was at work, and when they came home my mom tole me she'd like to just talk with me a bit. I'm sure she was expecting a really deep conversation like the last two times we just talked, but I didn't have much to say, and I was concerned pretty much the entire time with not appearing too much like a man, since I told her the other week that I didn't want to be either gender. I feel like I need to prove it by being not at all like my assigned gender, even if I just happen to be like some of the stereotypes by my nature.

Having been programming nothing but Javascript for months, I feel like I should put my upgraded skills to work and make this site a bit better. I need to do something about the nav bar. It's going to get too long eventually and I don't know the best way to handle it. Probably fold up the links into "months" folders starting two months previous, and then "years" folders starting the previous year. I'll probably put it off if Fef comes online though, and I start talking to her about c++.

I think I've forgotten to mention, but I've come to think that I'm asexual (and just demi for Lyca). I've noticed that since associating with that label, my ability to become aroused by anything has gone way down. So I keep getting horny and being unable to find anything to arouse myself to climax because there's nothing I'm attracted to. It's pretty frustrating and I don't know what to do about it. Before Fef realized that Lyca existed, Lyca would front about every 2 weeks and we'd cyber for about an hour, sometimes longer. I think I kind of relied on that happening, because afterwards, my libido would go way down. Since that happened, though, it hasn't happened once. So now I think about them (oh, Lyca is genderless too) all the time and keep waiting for them to front. But now that Fef has carpal tunnel, Lyca wouldn't be able to stimulate themselves, so I wouldn't want to do it since they wouldn't be having fun. I just hope that the next time we see each other in person, I'll be able to make them climax.