April 25th, 2018

Today started with me lying in bed for about an hour and a half after I woke up. Then, I was contacted by someone from one of the places that I applied to in Pittsburgh yesterday. They said they were a recruiter and got me to apply to 5 separate places. I'll need to send them a list of my experiences with various languages that I didn't use in my professional career, so I'm a bit nervous about how well that will go, but I'm glad things are moving along! I also applied to two jobs from the place Frosty works. If that pans out, that would probably be best.

Desperate to find something new to watch after going through my youtube homepage, I found Aggretsuko on Netflix and watched the entirety of that. It was pretty cute and decently funny. I thought that the death metal gimmick would get old, but it never really did. I enjoyed it a good bit, but the romance part kind of bugged me. Mostly because it was obvious it wouldn't work out, but also because I just generally don't like romance in media.

I also spent a lot of time today desperately wishing that I could start HRT. I didn't shower yesterday because someone was in our house fixing our air conditioning/heating for most of the day. So, I wound up being extremely hairy today and I guess it just really got to me. Then thinking about the HRT made me really wish for the rest of what comes with it, not just the lack of hairiness. Namely, I really wish I had breasts and a generally more feminine appearance. I've got a mental picture in my head of me post-hrt just wearing the usual t-shirt and jeans that I like, but with the distinctly feminine form I want. It kind of reminds me of my Lux drawing, but with clothes and slightly more masculine. I definitely don't want to be seen as a woman, and definitely don't want to be seen as a man, so having distinct traits from both (though leaning more towards feminine) really appeals to me. I think I will keep my hair short (or decently short), but we'll see when I get there.

As for my drawings, I've been suspecting that the reason I haven't been doing as much is because I switched away from using Sai. Other programs that I've used have just felt kind of clunky to me, or that they take too much effort to do the things I want to do. So, I downloaded Sai 2 today and spent a tiny amount of time setting that up, but I didn't really get any drawing in. Now I just need to overcome the barrier of feeling like I can't draw the things I want to draw well.