Friday, May 29th 2018

Since my last entry, a lot of stuff has happened, I think. I've finally scheduled an appointment to see a doctor about starting HRT! But they were booked really far in advance and it's not until the 16th of July. Ren also helped me out a bit and was willing to go with me on my first time for support, but he leaves the state on the 15th, so that was a little disappointing. Today, I had a really good conversation with him where we just talked about dysphoria, hormones, and a variety of smaller trans-related topics. If there had been any doubt that I wasn't really trans, that conversation got rid of it. I think it was exactly the kind of conversation I'd been needing to have for a while. Fef never really seemed to be that interested in talking about those things with me (although I'm sure she'd say that she just didn't have much to add) and I wasn't really close enough with any other trans people. I actually was comfortable telling Ren about wanting boobs (though I didn't phrase it in those terms), which was kind of exciting.

I've been feeling that Fef and I are kind of drifting lately. We keep running out of conversation topics, at a frequency that we didn't see in the past. She seems to be more interested in games that I don't really have much of an interest in and that's the majority of what she wants to talk about. We still talk on discord fairly frequently, but it's way less than before. We basically don't talk on weekends at all and we sometimes skip weekdays too. Definitely a part of that is how busy I am now, but she also doesn't reach out very often during these periods either. At this point, when she moves back to Pittsburgh in a year and a half, I'm expecting her to not want to be roommates like we had been planning for so long and I'm expecting to never see Lyca again. When that becomes the case I'll probably start looking for someone to be close to again, but until it does I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and ignore my paranoia. I miss both of them.

I'm not sure how much I've talked about the current DnD game that Tom is running. It's a western setting where I'm playing the first vampire for the overall universe. My first character, 3 Kobolds in a Trenchcoat, died at the (ivory) hands of Christophe's character. It was probably for the best though, since Isra the vampire allows for a much more interesting style of play. She is also potentially extremely lore-important since I realized that a combination of traits for my character allow me to create adamantine and potentially crash the in-game adamantine economy. I'm excited to have potentially affected the world in such an important way. That is honestly a huge part of why I love this setting so much.

Andy came to visit Pittsburgh either last weekend or the weekend before. Time is escaping me (which is why I need to be writing these more often!). We went and did some indoor minigolf since it was too hot outside for regular minigolf, and we also did a nearby escape room on a whim. He had never done an escape room before, so he had some reservations, but he seemed to have fun (didn't hurt that we also won it and it had barely above a 1/3 win rate). We also played some of Pac-Man Championship Edition 2 Plus, which was pretty fun since he loved the first game so much too! I tried to be a very good host, but he wound up sleeping on the floor. He said it wasn't the bed though, and rather the time at which he tried to go to sleep. Hopefully things will be better for Anthrocon next week.

I've been spending ever more time at the dunkhut lately. It's fun to hang out with people there, but I'm starting to feel like I'm avoiding being alone in my room. And that's cutting into playing video games, working on the golf game, working on my comic, and 3d printing. And when I'm not at dunkhut, it seems like I'm always doing something with people. I'm honestly not sure when the last time I turned on my desktop was. And as a result, I haven't been able to print out Fef's gift or the little hut that I modeled for Tom, and I haven't actually modeled the top hatch of his space ship that he wants tomorrow. I'm going to have a busy morning tomorrow doing that, since I have another DnD game, this time with dunkhut people, at noon. My regular Saturday DnD with the bronies got moved to Sunday.

The bad smell coming from the water heater seems to have lessened. This was immediately after Michelle set up a maintenance request, so I suspect it was them. However, she told me she'd be calling me first and she never did, which is why I'm so unsure. Also, the smell hasn't completely gone away, it's just not as strong as it was before.

I kinda just want to keep talking about how much I want to do HRT, but that's just going to be retreading old ground so there's not much reason to. Suffice it to say, I'm SO excited and cannot wait another two weeks and 3 days.