Friday, May 18th 2018

So I've started my job and moved in to an apartment in Pittsburgh! I knew my parents were going to come up with me for the move-in, so I decided to come out to them before we left. We were at the Indian restaurant that we all like, and I waited until our food arrived before saying it. I was really worried I wasn't going to have the guts to do it, especially since I had been going over and over it in my head and it always felt really awkward. But, I managed to do it and was promptly rewarded with my mom freaking out. She got this horrified look on her face, grabbed my arm and in the restaurant started begging me, "Don't tell your work. Don't tell your work. Promise me you won't tell your work." and would not let up until I promised. My dad flat out refused to use they/them pronouns for me, but my mom said she'd at least try (spoiler: she didn't really try). My brother was much more supportive and confronted my dad about some of what he said, and later told me that if I wanted to talk he was there for me.

The next day when we went to drive up, I definitely felt much better about myself since I didn't have to feel like I had to perform masculinity. However, I had to put up with my parents not even trying to gender me properly and me just correcting them under my breath constantly. So, that was deeply unpleasant, and growing more so now that they knew I didn't like it. Now it feels more personal.

I am kind of already unhappy with my job. It is very bleak inside the building. There's nothing on the walls, and very little on anyone's desks. There's no group chat for people to communicate in like at Matrix, and just no sense of community. The code isn't badly written, but is very annoyingly written, and the naming convention for SQL tables and their columns are HORRIBLE. The thing the table is about gets abbreviated to three letters then following with either 10000, 1000, or 5000 depending on how it's related to the company or not. Then, it may be followed by another letter. If there are more tables related to it (like, addresses for users, or phones for users), then the bigger table gets an 'A' appended and the related tables get another random letter. The columns all start with the table abbreviation and letter (but not the number) then get their own abbreviation describing what they're about. I also have to get up really early now and I don't like that.

I spent a lot of time setting up my apartment, and I'm happy with it at this point. Assembling the IKEA furniture took forever, and I got my dad's, brother's, Chris's, and Mir's help. Chris put a middle shelf in backwards and then nailed it in, so we went on a little adventure to Home Depot to find veneer to fix it. I really want people to come over more. I don't really like living alone.

On the NSFW side of things, I have been super super horny all week and I don't really know why. I can't seem to sate it for long. Today I found out that Fef is coming to Pittsburgh for graduation and I started thinking about Lyca and the horniness was so bad I couldn't concentrate at all at work and was pretty sure I started to smell. I'm not going to ask her over to see my new place because I'm sure she's going to be with her family/busy the entire time she's here, but I did finally ask for a private channel to talk with Lyca in. I never got a response, so I'm 100% sure I made her super uncomfortable since she only associates me and Lyca with sex. While not unwarranted, I have expressed before that I want to do more with them than sex. Like, I'd like to draw them as a wolf, and also just talk. And I am still worried that they're mad at me and don't want to talk.