Monday, October 8th, 2018

It's been so long since my last post I can't remember what I have and have not written down. I've been on HRT for a while now. My breasts are starting to grow in. They're pretty small still but still sore (Sore tit means More tit). I'm planning on moving in to dunkhut soon, but I'll need to find someone to sublet my apartment to.

I wasn't going to ask Charlie out because I knew they were in a relationship with Vance, but I have since learned that they're poly and are open to the idea of being close with more people. So, I'm planning on telling them that I have a crush on them soon. I don't think that Charlie is at all interested in me, but I could very well be wrong about that. Yesterday I was talking to Vic about relationships and I mentioned that I didn't think anyone at all was interested in me. He said that he knew at least one person that was, and when I mentioned this around Merritt, they told me that it was them. I'm not surprised at all, since Merritt has pretty much always been very friendly and touchy to me. I had wondered in the past if they liked me. I had dropped some hints that if they were they should say so, and since they didn't tell me anything, I assumed I was wrong.

During that talk with Vic, I think I came to the conclusion that my relationship with Starlight (Fef's going by Starlight now as a system name) was very unhealthy. I think that because I was always hiding my sexual side from them that it became too much a part of me to hide it and now I'm very very uncomfortable pursuing anyone else and terrified of people thinking of me as sexual. That's going to take some time to undo. Also, I'm going to feel very bad about leaving Lyca. Fef's kind of locked them away and is refusing to let them out to talk to me. And of course I can't talk to Fef about it because she gets upset.