Tuesday, October 9th, 2018

I still have still not seen Charlie and thus have not been able to tell them how I feel. I'm starting to have doubts of whether I should say anything. I'm not sure if even being in a poly relationship at all would be good for me, and I'm not sure what I want my life to be like down the road. But as I keep telling myself, I just need to let myself makes mistakes. Now's the time. (And there's no guarantee it would even happen. I doubt Charlie's at all interested in me like that.)

I haven't talked with Starlight since I last suggested that I might stream Sunshine with them. They've just been on my mind less, but also I feel kind of sick of feeling like I don't matter to them. They never initiate conversations with me, they never want to do anything with me, and Kelly treats me so coldly (I even got other people to confirm that she was being cold). So, I'm done. I'm not going to let myself get repeatedly hurt, just over and over trying to be Starlight's friend.

On a lighter note, I went to Page Dairy Mart with Owen and Frosty and tried something new. I got the Brownie Sundae and it was pretty good. Definitely doesn't replace my favorite of the M 'n' Ms Arctic Swirl though. After ice cream, we watched some more of Star Vs The Forces of Evil. I'm getting very close to being caught up now!

I think my boobs have gotten slightly visibly bigger. I keep worrying that they're just going to stop growing, but it doesn't seem to have stopped for now. I really hope they get to a decent size.