Wednesday, October 10th, 2018

I hanged out with Merritt a bunch today. We got dinner and then I tried on their women's suit jacket because I got scheduled for two in-person interviews next Wednesday. Unfortunately the jacket's sleeves were too short and it was too tight around the middle. We sat on Merritt's bed and talked for a while, while they were leaning their head on me. They mentioned being attracted to me again and I mentioned that it was possible that I could be attracted to them at some point. They then wished me good luck with telling Charlie and semi-jokingly said if it doesn't work out it would improve their chances with me. It also ended with them giving me a kiss on the cheek when I left. I felt kind of neutral about it, said so, and said that it would be okay if they did it again in the future.

I'm also feeling kind of guilty about not really talking with Starlight, but then again they haven't reached out to talk to me either. And Fef tweeted today saying something along the lines of "I can get out of working if I just marry someone and be attracted to them" and it's kind of hard to not feel bad when I read that. I know it's not an attack on me and more of a "I wish this could apply to me b/c I hate work" and more joking than serious, but it's hard to not see what could have been and miss being in that relationship.

Unlike yesterday, I am actually doubting how much my boobs are growing. It's feeling like it's taking forever, but I've just got to trust that it is. I really hope I didn't start too late. Also, the reason I told Merritt today that I could possibly be attracted to them in the future was because they moved my hand at one point and it wound up cupping their breast and I got kind of horny. I don't know if that was because I like boobs or because of a potential attraction to Merritt. I don't think Merritt's my type though, since I think I prefer sharper facial features and a thinner body type. But we'll see.